If I Could

 

How do you know you aren’t meant to be with someone? You are okay being without them. And while that may sound sad, it isn’t quite what you might imagine. It isn’t a happy okay without said person, it is a “I know I will get through this” type of okay. We were meant to be for the time we were together, for whatever reason. You needed to get away from the bad influences around you— the drinking, the smoking, the girls— and I needed a friend to drag me away from the depression I had once again susceptead to. Is it easy to say goodbye? No. But is it necessary? Yes. I want to be your friend, and if we continue the way we have been, I worry neither of us will ever heal enough to be friends again.

Maybe I am just too independent to have someone depending on me for their happiness. Maybe I need someone who is happy by themselves and who is just as independent as I am. Someone who understands what it feels like to have never had the ability to reciprocate feelings, like me. I wish I knew how someone so empathetic has never been able to feel love the same way as others. I wish I could.

-Ava